Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Build your own vintage porn library 2

The Opening of Misty Beethoven

Everything from Carmen, to Alice in Wonderland, even the Grimm fairy tales, has been given a pornographic literary twist. But none have done it on quite such an impressive scale as The Opening of Misty Beethoven, based on George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion. Professor Henry Higgins becomes Dr Seymour Love, who instead of teaching Misty how to speak properly and become a lady, teaches her to be a sexual nymph and make three men come at the same time. Released in 1975, Screw magazine said in its review: "Hollywood porn is here... right now! No other film is going to equal this one.” The film took (an unheard of for porn) year and a half to shoot, with luscious sets that spanned over two continents.

Misty part 2


It was the lead actress Constance Money, probably the most beautiful woman to ever star in porn, that stamped the film with cult status. But the director, Henry Paris and his leading lady didn’t have a very harmonious relationship. He christened her with her porn name Constance Money because she was constantly asking him for money, but she never ended up getting paid for the film. She said about Paris, “The man is sick. Anyone who squirts somebody in the face with K-Y Jelly and cottage cheese for ten hours a day has got to be doing it for more than just film.” Constance retired after eight more porn flicks, reverted to her real name Susan Jensen, and moved to Alaska to open a restaurant. The legend of Misty Beethoven, has recently been resurrected by the porn industry though, with a DVD musical, starring Randy Spears, Sunset Thomas and a prosthetic penis that sings “the penis is the ruler of the world!”

Things to look out for
- the incredibly kinky menage a trois where Misty uses a strap-on on porn publisher Lawrence Lehman

Monday, November 29, 2004

Skin Clicks: porn photography 1

Capturing the bits you're not supposed to see in porn has always been a fertile territory for photographers and artists. From gay porn make-up touching up, to porn with all the sex edited out, here are some of the best.

Elyse Butler

Elyse Butler took the photo above of porn actress Nikki Hunter limbering up in her dressing room before going out to do a re-enactment of a rape scene on a pool table. It’s part of her series entitled Sexual Tension which has just won her top prize in a 2004 College Photographer of the Year competition. It pans back from a Wicked porn shoot to show the before, the after and the bits where the male porn star “Ace” is caught crying in the corner of the studio, because he failed to get wood on his first ever porn shoot. The photos are untitled, but the captions tell each one’s story. For this photo: “Hunter has been doing pornography for about two years and was a stripper previously for eight years. 'It's good money,' she says, 'Much better than just stripping... I'll make about a thousand just tonight.”

Skin Clicks: porn photography 2

Larry Sultan
Larry Sultan’s first introduction to porn came when he was commissioned by Maxim UK to do a photo story of a day in the life of a porn star. The shoot was two blocks away from his childhood home in San Fernando Valley, which also happens to be the hub of the Adult Entertainment industry in America. He walked in to find he was in the house of his old local dentist and that there were six naked women daisy-chained on the dentist’s bed. San Fernandans often rent out their homes to the porn industry for their three day shoots, so Larry’s photos are named after the streets on which the middle class homes are located. He has been visiting porn sets for the last five years now to compile The Valley, a series of photos that steps back from the action to not only include the lights, crew and cable but also the fake flowers and piles of washing up which frames it. The picture above shows porn actress Sharon Wild taking a break between scenes.

Skin Clicks: porn photography 3

Ken Probst

Ken Probst got smitten with his subject matter of photographing the non-glossy bits of gay porn, when he was asked to participate in a nationwide project entitled A Day in the Life of Gay and Lesbian America. It led to freelance work as a photographer for porn publicity pictures and video boxes. He took advantage of being able to access all areas of the porn set and started capturing all the bits you aren’t supposed to see. Now compiled into a book called por ne-graf'ik, his beautiful black and white photos capture the absurdity and mundaneness that goes on behind the scenes. In one, make-up artist “Brian” is caught mid-touch-up powdering “Jeff’s” balls, in another a gay-for-pay male pornstar is seen preparing for his scene by jerking off to Penthouse.

Skin Clicks: porn photography 4

Laura Carton

Doesn’t look like porn? That’s because the pornstars from www.ebonyplayas.com fucking on top of the grave have been photoshopped out. It all started when the artist, Laura Carton, was cruising internet porn sites and was jarred by a copy of The Grapes of Wrath lying on the floor while a couple went for it doggy style. She decided for her next art project to trawl the internet for porn with sets that told a story, then edit out the sex for the viewer, carefully painting pixels back into the void left by the eliminated pornstars. It’s up to you, to project exactly what happened on top of the grave, the putting green of a crazy golf course, or on top of the pony posing against an ocean backdrop.

Skin Clicks: porn photography 5

Timothy Greenfield-Sanders

Things that you notice when you look at Timothy Greenfield-Sander’s portraits of pornstars clothed and then replicating the exact same pose naked: 1) How much the amount of body hair varies between all the different performers in the industry and 2) How much more confident they appear nude. Greenfield-Sanders has taken portraits of everyone from Orson Welles to Nelson Mandela over his photographic career, but for his book XXX: 30 Porn-Star Portraits, he turns his lens onto everyone from Jenna Jameson (above) to Ron Jeremy. It’s all becomes a strange combination of high brow and smutty though, with the essays about the nature of pornography from Timothy’s celebrity mates John Malkovich, Gore Vidal and John Waters. As Greenfield-Sanders himself illustrated perfectly while promoting the book, in a Nerve interview he says “the only awkward moment came when one porn star asked if anyone wanted to fluff him” and then tells Salon, that his photo of Briana Banks “was inspired by a Cézanne painting of a young boy.”

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Build your own vintage porn library

Debbie Does Dallas
Debbie Does Dallas is the epic tale of a squad of cheerleaders, who become the neighbourhood hookers in order to raise cash for Debbie, the head of the squad, to try out for the ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Cheerleaders. But the strangest thing about one of the best selling pornos ever made, is how little information there is on the internet about it. Channel 4 are making a documentary about Debbie, but the producer had to place an ad in the Village Voice, asking for any information about the film. They are not even sure whether its star, Debbie De Santo, aka Bambi Woods, died due to a heroin overdose, or whether she killed her porn alter-ego and is living a non-porn existence elsewhere. What is known about the film, is it was made in 1978, in the wake of an obsession in the US about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. The general manager of the Dallas Cowboys decided to revamp the team and its costume in 1972, getting rid of the boys on the squad and hiring models and pretty girls who would be taught by a professional choreographer. Floods of requests for appearances came in, including one (that was declined) to appear in Playboy. It was in this climate, that the cheerleading porno was made.

Cheerleader chicks suck dick: Debbie part 2


The filming of Debbie Does Dallas took place at the New York State University at Stony Brook. The producers neglected to mention that it was a porn film, and so the college administrators gave them full run of the University, and even have cameos in the film. When Debbie came out, they were fired. One of the things that catapulted the film into the public eye, were the lawsuits that the Dallas Cowboys launched. They sued because the cheerleading costumes in the film were too similar to theirs and because of the “You’ll do more than cheer for this X-Dallas cheerleader” tagline on the film poster. Debbie was even turned into a musical in 2001, but in the bits where sex is supposed to occur, they insert a song instead. One of the highlights of the play, is the song from my favourite scene, where Mr Hardwick sings to Roberta in a candle shop: "Take a candle/Guide it through/Smell it now/Hey, that's you!"

Things to look out for
*Bambi’s “crazy eye” method of acting. Not high on cocaine.
*The candle shop scene: “I think she’s ready, dear”.
*The cheerleader with the caesarian scar in the shower scene, who mysteriously disappears for the rest of the film.

Friday, November 19, 2004

5 facts about Hugh Hefner


1) He bought his burial plot next to Marilyn Monroe’s for $85,000, so that he could spend eternity next to his first Playmate.

2) He has an endangered marsh rabbit named after him, the sylvilagus palustris hefneri.

3) At his mansion Hugh has both a zoo, where he keep pet monkeys, flamingos, rabbits and llamas, and an aviary where the birds are fed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

4) His harem of girlfriends has been reduced from seven to three, due to rivalry amongst the girls. There was one reported incident of sabotage involving hair removing cream being put in another girlfriend’s shampoo bottle.

5) His vibrator of choice is the Hitachi Magic Wand.

Fish 'n' Grits: they like big butts and they cannot lie

When launching their hip hop meets porn magazine Fish ‘n’ Grits, co-founders Camille Burgos and Joe "Fatal" decided the editorial stategy should be “in your face.” So for the first issue the coverline emblazoned across Method Man and naked porn actress Solveig reads: “Don’t front. Them sweaty panties got you open.” Camille Burgos was a marketing manager for artists like Mary J. Blige. It was her job to sell sex, yet all the big porn magazines like Playboy and Hustler ignored coloured women. So Burgos and Fatal decided the cover would always feature the most famous black and latino adult starlets, posing with the biggest rappers, like Snoop Dogg (who has two porno movies out through Hustler) and Mystikal (who just got six years in prison for forcing his hairstylist to perform sexual acts on him.) Inside the naked girls ask the boys Q&As about their fetishes and sexual experiences. Other regulars include rappers taking readers on a sex tour around their home towns hot spots, "Rimming Up" is about rappers and their cars and the last page of the magazine is always "Backshot" - a close up of a female porn star’s booty. Next up comes F’n’G mucky videos, a clothing line and a porn magazine for ladies.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Honeytrap Hero: Alberto Vargas


When asked why he only painted women, Peruvian Alberto Joaquin Vargas Y Chavez responded, "show me something more beautiful than a beautiful woman, and then I'll go paint it." His first job was painting Ziegfeld Follies showgirls, learning "the difference between nudes and lewds." In 1930, he moved to LA, where he created set designs and painted portraits of studio stars. A union walk-out by studio artists resulted in Vargas being blacklisted in Hollywood and labelled a communist. Broke, he returned to New York, where he replaced George Petty as the pin-up artist for Esquire. The publisher didn’t like the sound of his name and asked him to change it to “Varga”. Each Varga gatefold appeared with a verse, for example “March I’m not so fond of, my suitors grow quite lax, instead of paying compliments, they’re paying income tax!” Vargas grew in fame, with even the New Yorker saying that the artist "could make a girl look nude if she were rolled up in a rug.”

Alberto Vargas: part 2


A year after Vargas joined Esquire, America went to war and so did the Varga Girl. Vargas designed mascots for the forces, and the GI’s copied her onto their uniforms, planes, submarines and torpedoes. The US government sanctioned the Varga Girl as a morale builder and let Esquire send six million special military issues free of charge to troops overseas, with a Varga Girl on the back cover accompanied by the text "She’s all yours, Boys!" There were reports of several soldiers lying dead with a Varga girl picture in their hands. Vargas’ relationship with Esquire ended with a court battle, with Esquire claiming they owned the name Varga. So for the 150 paintings he created for Playboy over a 18 year period, his girls were now called “Vargas Girls”. He died in 1982, aged 86, having spent the last years of his life collecting rare cacti and listening to Beethoven.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The Bunny Logo

Playboy was originally going to be called Stag Party, and its logo was a stag in a smoking jacket, drawn by cartoonist Arv Miller. But five weeks before launching, Stag magazine slapped Hugh Hefner with a trademark infringement suit. Hugh went back to his list of names and choose the second one – Playboy, named after a car company that his friend’s mother had worked for. The rabbit was simply chosen because bunnies like lots of sex. For the second issue, the Art Director Art Paul re-drew the rabbit in half an hour, into one of the world’s most famous logos. The rabbit head has now appeared on the cover of every issue since the second, often hidden as a beauty mark, reflection in a girl’s eye or a knot in a bikini. One of Hugh’s favourite punchlines is that without the last minute name change, as he would never have been able to build a nightclub empire, as waitresses with antlers on their head just doesn't hold the same appeal.
(Did you spot the bunny bubble in the picture?)

FYI: In 1959 a New York reader was able to send Playboy a letter with the rabbit head as the only address.


The incarnations of the Playboy bunny (from l-r): Arv Miller's debonaire rabbit, Art Paul's first sketch, the logo today

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Twirly Girly: tassel spinning for beginners


Miss Indigo Blue (left) and her Bad Kitty pasties (right)

On November 16th at the International Workshop Festival here in London, Miss Indigo Blue will teach you the art of applying and twirling your nipple tassles in order to become a “helicopter girl”. Miss Indigo Blue, otherwise known as Amelia Ross-Gilson, is a member of BurlyQ Queer Cabaret, alongside fellow twirlers, Eva Sabotage and The Naughty Librarian. Indigo’s signature act is stripping out of her Wonderwoman costume to demonstate how acrobatic her breasts are. Twirling can be taught over close-fitting clothes for the coy girls and nipple pasties from Miss Indigo Blue’s company “Twirlygirl.net” will also be on sale. Check out The Bad Kitties pasties. And remember, the trick is not to look down.

Maximum Offence: Maxim's 2005 Calendar


Miss February: Mother Theresa (left) and Miss November:
Princess Diana (right)


Free with this month's Maxim is the "Greatest Women Ever" calendar. At first glance, it's 12 oily chicks with silicon-sculpted breasts. At second glance you see that the nudie ladies are depicting historical figures and that Mother Theresa's modesty is being protected by a begging bowl. My favourite though, is the Princess Diana standing in front of a strategically placed minefield sweeper. Editor Greg Gutfeld says it's a better tribute to Her Ex-Royal Highness than that abysmal fountain.

FYI: Before he was editor of Maxim, Greg was fired from his last job as Editor of Stuff in the US, for sending a gaggle of drunken dwarves to disrupt a magazine conference.

The Big Bunny: the Playboy jet

One of Hugh Hefner’s most playboy pieces of advice is “if you buy a private plane, you should have a bed installed.” Except he didn’t have one bed installed in his private plane, he had 12. In the Seventies when Hugh had a mansion in both Chicago and Los Angeles, he used to fly between the two in his nine million dollar, 119-foot long McDonnell-Douglas DC-9 jet. It was called “The Big Bunny” and painted black with a white Playboy bunny logo on the tail. It came equipped with a bar, a lounge, a disco, a sunken Roman bath, a crystal dinner set for 36 guests and Hugh’s own personal king-size round waterbed, complete with seatbelts, so he didn’t have to get up when the plane landed. The four air hostesses were called “Jet Bunnies” and they were the cream of the crop from the Playboy Bunnies. Instead of bunny ears, the girls donned black leather mini-dresses and a white aviator, Playboy-logoed scarf. Not only did the plane zig-zag Hugh to all his Playboy resorts around the world, it also took Elvis on tour around America and flew aid out to Vietnam. After Hugh settled in LA in 1976, the glamorous marketing tool for a Playboy lifestyle was sold to Aero Mexico, and is now used to deliver mail around South America.

Ebay of the day: Playboy 40th anniversary guitar


Marilyn never actually posed for her Playboy centrefold, the photo had already been around for four and a half years, when Hugh Hefner bought it for $500 from the manufacturer of a pin-up calender. The reason the photo even exists, is because of Marilyn’s car. She was 22 and a struggling actress when she met the photographer, Tom Kelley Sr. She ran out of fuel on Sunset Boulevard and he gave her his card and lent her five dollars to get home. Six months later, she reclined on red velvet for him because she needed the $50 fee to get her car out of the pound. After Kelley sold the photo for the calender, Marilyn’s fame began to rise. After “The Asphalt Jungle”, someone spotted the resemblance between the anonymous “Miss Golden Dreams” and Marilyn, and tried to blackmail her. Marilyn thwarted the scheme, by announcing it to the press herself. When a reporter asked her what she had on during the shoot, Marilyn responded “It’s not true that I had nothing on! I had the radio on.”

Playboy week


Bunnies are back!
Playboy clubs are reopening after a 20 year hiatus. Coupled with the fact that a Fender Stratocaster guitar screenprinted with the Playboy's first centrefold , Marilyn Monroe had just been released on ebay, means that this is Playboy week on Honeytrap. An excuse to put up lots of pictures of bushy-tailed bunnies and bombard you with the facts you never knew about the magazine that men "only read for the articles"...

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Honey's hero: Russ Meyer


"Your old man's been blasted out of his wheels, and your king-size brother's been twisted like a pretzel. You're all that's left, lover, and you won't be around for long.”

Ernest Hemingway paid for Russ Meyer to loose his virginity. Meyer was 19 years old and a combat newreel cameraman and Hemingway was his commanding officer. Hemingway took his unit to a brothel in Paris, where Meyer says he choose the one with the biggest breasts. After the war, Meyer was an industrial filmmaker for a while, his motivation to get into cheesecake photography stemmed from wanting “to get into the shorts of women who were very well endowed in their superstructure”. He went on to shoot six centrefolds for Playboy and when he started his career in pornography, or “tittie-boo” as he liked to call it, it was from strip clubs and Playmates that he recruited his actresses.

FYI: Meyer found Turana Satana, his half-Cherokee and half-Japanese starlet in Faster Pussycat at a strip joint. She is now a dental hygienist.

King Leer: Russ Meyer part 2

Honey's hero


His first feature film, The Immoral Mr Teas, in which the lead cycles around Oakland delivering false teeth and looking through the clothes of women with his x-ray vision, was shot in four days at the cost of $24,000. It grossed one million dollars. Meyer made 25 movies in total, all of which he wrote, directed and edited himself. He was also solely responsible for the casting of the double-F breasted starlets with names like Melissa Mounds, Candy Samples, Kitten Natividad, and Foxy Lae. His most famous film is Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! about three go-go dancers who go on a killing spree. Feminists love Meyer because all his women are super-vixens and his men are wimpy. But Meyer just loves big breasts, believing that “a woman's place is primarily in the kitchen and the bath and the bedroom. Not necessarily in that order."

Russ Meyer died on 23rd September 2004, aged 82

Where A-list meets D-cup

Star by Pamela Anderson
Book review



Pamela’s best friend, David LaChapelle shot her cover photo

Pamela used her porn star name (the name of her golden labrador combined with the street she grew up on), to name her heroine Star Wood Leigh. The parallels between Star and Pammie don’t end there. Star’s plot seems to be a identikit version of her author’s life, with just the brand names changed. So when Pamela was ‘discovered’ by being flashed up on a giant TV screen at a football game wearing a Labatts t-shirt, the beer company becomes Zaxs. Playboy becomes Mann magazine, Home Improvement, Tool Time and Baywatch is Lifeguards Inc. In the 12 chapters, Star gets through 12 men, one woman and two orgies. When asked who had more sex – her or her alter ego, Pammie said they were about even. The best bit of the sex scenes is trying to work out which characters are meant to be Brett Michaels, Kid Rock, Sylvester Stallone, David Charvet, Marcus Schenkenberg and all of the other celebrities Pamela has dated.

FYI: Donna D'Errico, a Baywatch co-star, recently said about Pammie "if she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she’s had in her, she’d look like a porcupine”.

Star book review: part 2


Eric Shaw Quinn, Pamela’s ghostwriter, does not want to stay invisible

But for someone who’s had as much sex as Pammie’s had, you’d expect the sex scenes to be a bit more saucy. If Jackie Collins can manage sex scenes with amyl nitrate in them, then Pammie should be able to do better than “the strange feel of his erection in her hand, flesh like velour wrapped around a bird bone” and "not the most imaginative lover, but like a favorite dildo, he was always ready to go". What make the bad writing even worse is the fact that Pamela didn’t write the book herself, she wrote it with the help of a ghostwriter, Eric Shaw Quinn. They met at her house every Friday for seven months. So, working out the maths, Pamela “wrote” her first, 294 page novel, in 28 days. She sums up her book as, "you can either read it on the beach or the toilet. It's not like it's a difficult read." But with a ghostwriter, it should be a better one. Pammie and Eric are working on the sequel, “Star Struck”, out the middle of 2005. Expect a sex tape, involving a suspiciously Tommy Lee-like character to turn up.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Three of Terry’s tattoos and the stories behind them

Terry Richardson fact of the day
(or an excuse to put a beautiful nudie picture up)



-Terry’s says he is proud of his manhood, so proud that not only do you see it in every state of arousal in his photographs, he also has his pet-name for his cock “T-bone”, tattooed just above his belly button.

- The letters SSA inked over his heart stand for Signal Street Alcoholics, the teenage gang that he set up when he lived on Signal Street in Hollywood.

- The other tattoo on Terry’s upper torso is a picture of him as a child crying. One day when Terry was nine, his Mum was picking him up from the psychologist when a lorry rear-ended her. It left her in a coma for a month and afterwards disabled and having to wear diapers.

click for (terrifying) pictures of Terry's tattoos

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Ebay of the day: Porn Snowboard


Travis Wood, the vice-president of marketing for Sims Snowboards is obsessed with porn. It was his idea to commission a series of snowboard featuring porn starlets from the Vivid Stable, with the tagline "The Only Boards You'll Ever Want to Sleep With". The lady you would be standing on here is Kody, star of porn classics such as Dykes of Hazzard, Pussypotamus and Hey Mom I’m Not a Virgin Anymore. There’s also a topless Jenna Jameson board, whose official Vivid line on the product was "You don't have to be a good snowboarder as long as you get out on the slopes and you have one of these boards - you'll look like you know what you're doing". It's not the first time Vivid and Travis Wood have collaborated, Wood is also on the board of directors at snowboarding hotel, The Block , in Lake Tahoe. As well as having rooms sponsored and decorated by Roxy and Zoo York, there’s also a Vivid room, complete with a stripper pole, mirrored floors and an entire wall of Vivid porn DVDs.


Jenna Jameson modestly covers up with her Vivid snowboard in a Paper magazine shoot